The wedding pendulum

Tasneem HossainTasneem Hossain
Published : 14 July 2020, 02:34 AM
Updated : 14 July 2020, 02:34 AM

Sabina could not stop crying. Her dream of a luxurious wedding has crumbled down to ashes. She and her boyfriend, Samuel, have been planning for a grand wedding but because of COVID-19 all their plans were cancelled. After all, normally, you marry once and you want to make it memorable and share it with your loved ones.

Their parents decided to have a very quiet akht (legal declaration of marriage) and then wait for the opportune moment to celebrate the grand occasion. As time passed everyone knew that the pandemic was here to stay for quite long; so only four people from the groom's side came and took the bride home. They decided that they can have a grand honeymoon later. But as luck would have it, the very next morning, Samuel was informed of him being laid off from work. Devastating!!!

As they are in their first phase of marriage, they are not at all in the mood to discuss or think about the consequences ahead. But what will be the impact on them after a few months?

In a remote village of Banskhali, little Moumita, only 13, who is yet to understand the word 'marriage', is getting ready in a red saree for her wedding with a 40-year old rich trader of the village. Moumita's parents are worried. If they died of coronavirus, who is going to look after her? Furthermore, her day labourer father has been unable to work and earn the meagre amount he used to earn earlier. Her marriage will mean one less mouth to feed.

Deepening poverty caused by the loss of livelihoods is likely to drive many families to marry off their daughters early. Though child marriage is punishable by law, there are some loopholes too. Moreover, the lockdown situation has given them the opportunity to get a silent wedding without being caught.

Child marriage expert Erica Hall told the Thomson Reuters Foundation, as stated in the Hindustan Times: "When you have any crisis like a conflict, disaster or pandemic rates of child marriage go up." She said there was already evidence of a rise in child marriages in South Sudan, Afghanistan and Africa. World Vision has warned that the coronavirus crisis could put an extra 4 million girls at risk of early and enforced marriages in next two years. Increasing poverty, caused by the pandemic, is going to add further financial burdens on many families, leading them to marry off their daughters early. "It really is a survival mechanism. Parents aren't doing it maliciously — they just don't see any alternative," Hall said.

Nashid landed in Dhaka, Bangladesh on Feb 12 for shopping for her American-born son Amir's grand wedding in the US. She then travelled to India to buy some more gorgeous dresses and ornaments. While she went on a buying spree, all flights from India to Bangladesh were cancelled, leaving her stranded for quite some time. Later, with some special arrangements, she returned but her flight back to the US was also uncertain. On the other side, Amir's French fiancée Chris was stranded in Paris. Travel restrictions made it impossible for Chris to go to the US for the wedding. The wedding was postponed to the end of 2021. Such a loss of time, money and hard work!!

My friend Feroz, a 40 years old divorcee, has been looking for a suitable bride. I introduced him to Sylvia, a respectable, unmarried friend of mine in her early 40s as a match. They had conversations over the phone. Despite growing feelings, they cannot meet each other in person because of a lockdown in Sylvia's area. Thus, the question of making a final decision remains hanging on a pendulum.

"You know I have been planning to talk to you about my daughter's wedding since you came. There are many suitors with proposals but how can we meet the boys or their families?" My cousin Asha went on lamenting with me on the mobile phone yesterday. Her daughter has just completed her internship as a doctor and they want her to get married. Once again, a delay in matchmaking, no one knows for how long.

At the same time as there are restrictions on socialising, maintaining social distancing, parties and any kind of big gatherings, the chances of falling in love is also bleak, except for a few online romances.

During the age of coronavirus just like every other aspect of life, the form of romance has changed. Newly dating partners are maintaining their relationships online talking to each other for hours. Since married couples have to spend more time together than usual, some are trying to make up for the lost time; some not-very-ardent lovers are having a tough time being together.

Whatever the case, the COVID-19 crisis has impacted many romantic relationships and the decision of expanding the family also has taken a toll. Married couples are delaying to conceive, so that they need not go to a doctor because of fear of contracting the coronavirus. People are avoiding, as much as possible, to go to hospitals nowadays. So much that a friend of mine was very happy that her daughter had a miscarriage!!! Imagine that was her first issue.

These are just a few of the instances how COVID-19 is having great negative impacts on the marriage scenario. There are thousands of unique cases taking a toll on couples who want to get married around the world.

A nationwide lockdown and the travel ban in many countries have caused thousands of weddings to be cancelled across the globe, disappointing eager couples. In an issue of the World Economic Forum, it has been stated that most weddings in the UK have been cancelled or postponed because of the country's lockdown restrictions, including curbs on gatherings.

The COVID-19 pandemic has led us to adopt online alternatives for a number of activities, such as shopping and work. Now, worldwide, couples are turning to virtual weddings as the normally crowded ceremonies of the past would make social distancing impossible.

Robin from Denmark was supposed to arrive in Bangladesh to get married to his online romance, Protima. As the pandemic put bans on flights, the two tied the knot in a virtual ceremony on Jun 8. They got married with both of their guardians and a handful of very close relatives present. The usual gathering of wedding guests was replaced by friends and relatives watching the live streaming of the wedding on mobile phones.

Weddings are normally very lavish. The social distancing regulations are having a great impact on the wedding scenario, where people are downsizing events with very limited guests. Destination weddings might also decrease. This might be the new normal for some time at least until an effective vaccine is found.

Couples and parents want weddings to be memorable with great arrangements -Is it necessary? For many, those arrangements are based on social pressures. The expectations to have the perfect grand weddings often result in huge debts.

Downsizing the extravaganza will surely save money. Let us look at it this way – the newlyweds will have some extra money to enjoy their honeymoons far from the madding crowd. One needs to have positive outlooks to keep moving forward in life. The most obvious solution, however, is to postpone the big day until next year.

Whether we like it or not, the pandemic has made us take a step back in adult marriages and a step forward in child marriages.

Hopefully, if a vaccine can be found or a second wave mitigated, a dramatic rise in adult weddings can be predicted in 2021 and curbing of child marriages may again be implemented successfully.

While maintaining social distancing, we should make united efforts to keep connected mentally and spiritually. Once we become accustomed to the new environment we will be able to embrace and adjust. We, humans, as always, are capable of learning and adapting to crucial changes

The coronavirus has ushered in an era of dramatic changes in our daily lives. We will have to adopt, ourselves, to this 'new normal'.


Life is a swinging pendulum

Hope and despair, pleasure and pain;

Hang on the two sides puzzling life,

Choices are always yours to make.

                              -Tasneem Hossain

The names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.