Sexuality in Bangladesh: A pessimistic look

Growing up in Dhaka, my eyes would scour the roadside as I rode Dhanmondi to Mohammadpur.

The road sides would be full of billboards sponsored by UNICEF advertising Meena…and a couple more, advertising safe sex and condom use, as well as womens'and mens' right to abortion and reproductive health.

These days — even though I am an aging bird and should be getting ready for retirement — I still get to meet young people through my work, with whom sometimes I visit cafe rooms and little FC's. We talk and talk and talk, and then eventually, the conversation moves to reproductive rights, at which point I receive a very blank stare.

"But why should I care whom I sleep with? I have no STDs, no STIs, no harm can come from sleeping with me".

"Why should I wear a condom? Like I said, I have no diseases!"

"My parents can always pay for an abortion, I don't have to worry".

It boggles my mind to see how the youth of today's generation think.

Anything and everything is considered a joke and a fleeting phase, whereas many of my generation were brought up on the fact that a single mistake can follow you for the rest of your life, which almost always turns out to be true.

While a mistake — and an often lethal one — is often needed to correct such a flippant attitude, it bothers me to see how external conditions often worsen in terms of ensuring healthcare for women and men.

These days, attitudes toward sex have changed dramatically from what it was in the 1990s. An emerging upper-class and a diminished middle-class has meant that more and more people are adopting many of the lifestyle habits the rich can afford to escape with. Promiscuity, which has been a staple of the 1% for the longest time possible, is now becoming more and more popular.

For the children who now belong to the middle-class and have no influential members of their own economic background to guide them, it is the rich they look up to, leading to disaster.

Nationalism and a new found love of Bengali-Bangladeshi culture, unfortunately will not revert the damage done through years of Western neo-liberalization.

And in such times, if people who are not the 1% think they can get away with whatever the rich do (because they have the actual money to pay for it), there will emerge a society which will be difficult to live in.

Especially in Bangladesh where there is a great deal of religious fundamentalism in recent years compounded by a new found sense of fervent identity, officiated through the flag. In such times, people who criticize the status quo, are labelled "un-patriotic" and a "foreigner".

Which practically makes no sense, for forced loyalty is going to get you nothing, be it toward a flag, an identity or an idea of one.

When it comes to women's health, it is the same rubbish that I see: enforced loyalty.

Let's force the women and young girls to think that men will take care of them. Let's force them into believing that straight, sexist men will take care of your children after knocking you up, including gay and some bisexual men whose internalized misogyny will not spell disaster for you and your child.

Let us also forget the fact that many men who become fathers will not be hurt that the woman whom they too, were forced to marry as a result of the pregnancy later will not regret their choices when their wife becomes abusive and subjects their child (including the husband) to abuse and violence.

Yup. What a civilized society we are!

The fact that political parties in today's age also push the idea of God coming down from the heavens and protecting the child — an idea not wholly different from religious scriptures in general. This also serves to remove discretion and agency from many peoples' lives in Bangladesh.

After all, religion always has — and will be used — to create a free labour force.

Add to it, neo-liberalism and the legacy of acquiring slaves through the mothering-birthing industry prevalent in many countries of the global South and the rich continue to thrive.

At the end of the day, it is all about money. More hungry mouths to feed, more people to employ and live off as slaves, more wealth to be gained.

And given the feudal system of Bangladesh, where property theft, abusive parenting, domestic violence (including violence from extended family members) and a system of work where corruption is the rule of the game, one wonders why Bangladeshis even bother to open their legs (men and women both) to bring another child into this world.

Why even care?

When you know what is to come?

Often at times, rape, incest and parental abuse are something people cannot comprehend, and are seldom ready for, (except if you are in an abusive relationship). With or without rape, there should be avenues available for women and young girls to use if they ever get into trouble.

And to do that, a careless attitude toward sex and a naive, nonchalant belief in an omnipresent parent in the form of God must be debunked for the outright lies they are.

Women (and men) must have the power to take charge of their lives (and their loins) without religion, society or culture intervening in their efforts. None should stand in their way.

For this to happen, peoples' mindset must change. Of course, asking that of Bengalis who have grown up on abuse and thus emulate the same behaviour and therefore, get in the way of others could be a stretch, but it's still worth a try.

The young, however, must have education as a back up and be made empowered to do things for themselves on their own, irrespective of abuse and violence. They must be given the right amount of agency and self-will to decode abuse as it is and be able to walk away, having done for themselves what is right.

Irrespective of abusive family practices.

It's your life.

Get informed, be careful and do the right thing.

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Nadia Chowdhury, an aspiring writer, is a graduate from York University, Canada.