Memsahibs of Dhaka 2012

"The thing is my driver will go for Eid vacation from 15th august to 25th august. Without him i'm completely immobile and…" This is part of a note from a professional Bengali woman who I have never met but have the highest regard for. I have seen her work and I have communicated with her via email numerous times. I was expecting a fire breathing, shit kicking intellectual firebrand instead I get "I am completely immobile". Huh! I was coming to Dhaka on 19th of August, 2012, probably Eid day, still I did not expect "completely immobile". So, I wrote her back accusing her of being a "memsahib" because she is unable to do the thing that humans are built to do, walk! Being a person of great intellectual honesty and integrity she responded, "as for walking, I am actually a bit of a memsahib, but not proud to be one..".

I kept wondering who or what is a Memsahib? Why does the word leave a bad taste in my mouth? Of course it is a corruption of the word Sahib which was used in Urdu during the British Raj to literally mean owner or proprietor. The word Sahib itself is of Arabic origin but the Urdu trans-literation is what is prevalent in South Asia. Memsahib is just a female owner. Memsahib itself is a corruption of the British word Ma'am (you address the Queen that way even today).

So, these Sahibs and Memsahibs were owners. But, owners of what? This is where the word takes a sinister turn. Both Sahibs and Memsahibs separated themselves from the people they ruled, err, owned with great joy and élan. The Sahib class ruled whimsically and lived above the people of the land, literally. Their word was the law. This is where expressions like "Paa matithe lagbe na (feet will not touch the ground)" comes from. The whole idea is to create a super class who can go through life on the shoulders of other humans or beasts, literally if need be! The Sahibs and Memsahibs never walked outside their homes. They were carried on the shoulders of men, backs of elephants and horses and finally in cars. I think the Sahibs are long gone but the Memsahibs persist and they rule Dhaka and other towns in this country! Tragedy in the making I say.

Forget the sociological and political mindscape of being a Memsahib for a minute. Consider the sheer physiological, health related and gender relationship problems that being a Memsahib creates. Let us take the gender issues first. In today's world women's independence and self-reliance is probably the single most important issue facing the people of the developing world, especially, in a Muslim society like Bangladesh. A good 50% of the productive populations are women and the society and the strictures issued by the mullahs are doing their best to stifle the little independence women are earning ever so relentlessly. There is constant pressure from the traditionalists to keep the women in Burqa and as much in the dark as possible. This effort is not succeeding with working women, to wit the women of garment industry who are the bread winners for their households. The traditionalists are heaping scorn on these working women and denigrating their abilities and character whenever possible. But these women who are working and earning a living are winning their self-esteem and yes a measure of independence. Slowly but surely the women that work are earning their right to breathe on their own. On the other hand the cult of Memsahibism is slowly and insidiously corroding the independence of the well to do women. If you are unable to go out without depending on someone, if you are unable to use the public transport and roads like the millions of other people then I say you are just a fancy doll fit to be on the laced display case. The men who are the consorts of these Memsahibs support and promote this golden cage. The arrangement suits them well. At the end of the day they rule by default by promoting crippled but haughty beings in the name of love and care.

I was walking through the cobbled streets of Wuzhen in China last year. It is an ancient town that is more like Venice than Venice itself and many hundred years older. Except Wuzhen is full of secret treasures. One of the treasures is the museum of Foot binding. Until only some 100 years ago Chinese women (especially of the upper classes) would have their foot bound. Sound innocent, no? It is a rather grotesque and horrible practice of putting a girl's feet in iron cast shoes at birth. So, as the girl grows to be a woman she ends up with a tiny and deformed baby feet. The traditionalists defined small, deformed baby feet as sign of beauty and class. So, the whole generations of women grew up with their feet bound. The net result was that these women could not walk. They would wobble for a bit and fall down. Most of the time they had to be carried around. So, these upper class women lived the lives of caged pets, albeit, a gilded cage. This business of self-imposed immobility is casting the most vibrant section of the Bangla society into the dark of dependence and servitude!

My friend cited the fact that she comes from protective family and um, dust allergy. I can see the protective family bit. But, the concern is misplaced. The more we concede the streets to the Mastans the more they will own the streets. It is our duty to claim the streets back so that walking is not a life threatening proposition. Fortunately, serious crimes in Bangladesh are statistically miniscule and the society is not so Islamicized that walking women are alien objects of hate, contempt and subject to assault a la Pakistan. If we start to take the streets back little bit at a time; say walk to the store, university or office every other day we probably would change the dynamics in a few years. Big culture wars are won by such small measures. Just know that I say "wars" and in wars there are always casualties. A small price to pay for the long term health of our society.

Oh, yes health. Walking is probably the best exercise for us humans. The Center for Diseases Control (CDC) recently came up with statistics showing that three days a week of vigorous walking helps your heart, reduces obesity and increases life span but measurable amount. In the US some 66% of the population is considered obese which has caused an epidemic of heart ailments, diabetes and other related diseases! The epidemic started with a transition to sedentary life. Two manmade objects are responsible for the sea change in the health and well-being of the US population. The television and the mighty car! We should not fall in love with the cars like the Americans did. The car has taken away the simple pleasures of living for many Americans and in the process impacted their quality of life and their well-being.

When Bengali women go out of the country they are miraculously able to walk miles of city streets, walk up the hills, trudge along the beaches, do their own grocery shopping, ride the subway or the bus. Does someone become a totally new being by getting into and out of plane? That would be a neat trick. I am convinced that most of the inhibitions are in our heads and once we are out of the daily social setup we step out of our heads and we are able to function as natural beings and not some silk dolls!

Finally the issue of parental love and protection. I had written a piece sometime ago titled "Komor Shokto Hobe". I had touched on the theme of over protection. The curse of Memsahibism is the living proof of over protection by the well to do parents. My friend wrote, "…i come from a very protective family …my parents still pester me about coming home early and stuff…taking a public transport during when dhaka's almost empty will give my dad a heart attack!!" Well, that sums it up neatly. The protectiveness in just another veneer of insecurity on the part of the parents. Yes, there are mishaps and there are dangers. There could be fatal things happening to any of us on any odd day. But, it is not the way you die that matters but the way you live that matters. Being over protective our parents simply perpetuate the myth that we/they can have control on things that we really do not control. In my view the best gift we can give to the next generation is the gift of independence and knowledge and let them try to beat their own paths or die trying.

Living in fear makes you die every day, why not die just once? Death is supposedly unpleasant let's just do it once! As I said you die only once but the ways you take to get to the end point makes humanity an entirely different animal. An animal that can and has changed the face of the Earth.

No cars Memsahibs for at least three days a week. This will give you few good years at the end of your life when we all need the "good" in the good years!

Postscript: I met my esteemed friend at her house. She has an adorable daughter and an accomplished husband. We talked for a bit and I came away convinced that she is every bit intellectually enlightened and fierce as I had imagined her to be. But all of the fierceness is contained in a glass dome. You can see the thunder and lightning but they are all playing out in a confined space because of various historical and societal issues. Maybe her daughter will play outside the glass dome and chuck the chains of being a Memsahib!

(The views expressed are the author's own and not those of bdnews24.com's).
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Kayes Ahmed lives in Boulder, Colorado, USA with his three dogs. He runs a small yet global apparel and design business based in Boulder.