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Abul-RUN-editedSo is it true what the AL MP Golam Maula Rony said about our prime minister choosing a future minister by organising a race? Who knows but it certainly shows our PM in a positive light. Not only is she interested in sports particularly in foreign venues but she seems to have great sense of humour too. She has also set up a precedent for all to follow when choosing important people for significant positions. Seriously speaking, this is certainly a better way than holding national elections, and it costs less too.

Imagine our leaders in shorts and vests running across the fields in full view of cheering people knowing that on the results depend who will rule Bangladesh till the next Olympics. It will make the 15th amendment unnecessary, controversial judges irrelevant and maybe replace the Elections Commission with the National Sports Commission.

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Abul Hossain, by the way, has emerged as the most significant minister of recent times. In fact if one goes by history, our ministers have always been sporting chaps and always ready to do all for their leader. I remember the fabled Anwar Zahid who promised to sweep the floors at the bidding of his president, HM Ershad. He was hugely criticised for his pledge but sources say he never recovered from the shock of ever being asked to prove his loyalty to his leader.

I think that in every way, Abul Hossain has done much better and has actually done his run, or metaphorically speaking given ‘jharu’. His wish was fulfilled and our PM, then the leader of the opposition, came to know the quality of her ministers before choosing.

Congrats and medals to everyone.

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Politicians are always supposed to provide examples and models and I think this ‘race’ in China is a remarkable event which shows us new ways to choose CEOs too. For example, if anyone thinks that the Bangladesh Bank chief should be chosen from amongst those who can understand the national economy, they are wrong. Future contesting central bank chiefs may well be asked to swim across the flooded roads of Motijheel carrying a briefcase full of notes on their head with their hands tied behind their backs holding a spoon in their mouth till they reach the gate of the bank; you know the kind of race we ran when we were in grade 3.

And the one who wins the race will be the governor.

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I am not going by the order of precedence but we should have a more appropriate way of finding judicial officers– the judges and the like. We know that a major skill required is in identifying relief funds, welfare funds and Jamuna Bridge funds, etc. which allow them to obtain exclusive grants when needed but there are other skills too.

I used to think once that Justices were good to go if one wanted to pass amendments after martial law to make it halal and act as the head of state when the government was in khaki hands. But the military has let us down by not taking power in a decade. I mean seriously guys, if the army too finds out that it’s more fun to rule the rulers than take the direct heat, amra jabo koi?

But it has also now made the post of judges less attractive and the death blow was struck by the 15th amendment under which the judges who could have had a few days of badsahi can’t anymore. So what are they going to do? Well, why not select them through music competitions?

Justice and music are close and since the only difference between most judges now is their party loyalty, this could actually be a more pleasant method for selecting than just going by seniority and partisanship. Singing judges able to deliver verdicts by way of songs could make even death sentences more palatable and verdicts that cause political problems seen as a musical issue rather than legal ones since few can make out why they get decided that way.

Sabina Yasmin is therefore the logical choice for our next Chief Justice-ship.

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Bureaucrats should be chosen for their skills in speed reading. Since most files take several years to be cleared, ghoosh or no ghoosh, it’s obviously so because they can’t read fast enough. Average files take two years to move so if they learn to read faster, they can actually get some work done while they apply for government land and play in the share market.

Dear BNP boys, now mostly OSD, here is a good way to spend your leisure till Khaleda Zia returns. By the time your chances come to serve your coach, you may actually be able to prove who is better qualified to get the plum jobs through a real competition. Higher file turnovers also mean more money per file don’t you see?

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RAB is the mother institution of the country, more reliable than the rest of the bunch of state organists about whose loyalty you are never sure. Half of them belong to the other party anyway but with RAB this is different. They are always loyal as a block to the government side so they have done maro-petao with every government without any discrimination. All they ask is a bit of dry bread, some salt and a bottle of mineral water and lots of shantarshis whom they can beat up and occasionally kill.

They are a very dedicated lot, full of sacrifice and loved for their skills. So one must look for RAB recruits amongst beauty parlour workers who spend so much time to make brides and other women beautiful using great skills no matter who is getting married. After all, it’s the delicacy and commitment to their art and totally non-partisan attitude that matters. Maybe even a few sari sellers – apa, niye jan – or dare I say baburchis who cook magical dishes of biryani. It’s a lot about making good tikiya and feeding everyone.

So we can have wedding competitions and the best performers — parlour gents and ladies, sariwallahs and followers of Fakhruddin — the cook not the 1/11 guy — can become the future RAB members knowing all about providing entertainment and pleasure to a large and satisfied public.

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The national elections or sports should become a nationwide festival where the decisions will be fair, well contested and provide entertainment for all. Instead of selling seats for millions of taka, parties will be forced to depend on raw talent of the candidates and it will reduce unnecessary expenditures. It will also reduce inflation, TV channels and talk shows where unreliable MPs can shoot their crazy mouth off.

I can write much but I leave it to the readers to imagine and enjoy.

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My ultimate fantasy of course would be to see Jamaat-e-Islami leaders in shorts, their beards nicely tied to reduce wind obstruction chasing the baton in a relay with other parties.

I always wanted to see their knees.

Afsan Chowdhury is a Consulting Editor of bdnews24.com.

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