Mama Grizzly Bears — Sheikh Hasina, Sarah Palin, and the fishing trip

On this, the week of my 48th birthday, I ask that you indulge me a bit as I play one of my favourite games, "if I ruled the world" or this case, "if I had the ear of the Prime Minister."

I'm currently a passenger in a car making the 90 minute drive from my house to New York City. I am the world's worst passenger, so if this column seems disjointed, it is because I keep bracing for impact, hitting the invisible passenger-side break, and making pointed comments to my children on the dangers of tailgating, as my lead-footed spouse hurtles towards the city. The car is filled with the voices of my children singing Christmas carols, based on Gospel music CD assembled by the cast of the popular television show, American Idol. It is an indication of the impact of television on all aspects of American life. I feel I could contribute by lifting my own voice. If the shower stall were a recording studio, I'd already have gone platinum. But I remain silent, and fantasise.

I am transported. I have an imaginary bluetooth in my ear and I'm on the phone with Sheikh Hasina. As if by magic, all the impediments of communication have been removed. In this fantasy, instead of 36 Bengali words, mostly animal names from Lesson One of an online program, I already speak fluent, nuanced Bengali and can quote your famous poets. I know the songbook of your nation since the time of independence. Furthermore, it is 11:30 am both in Bangladesh and on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey.

"Hello? Oh thank you, Madam Prime Minister, and thanks for the birthday gift. You're quite talented with a knitting needle. How are the grandkids? Oh, and a Happy New Year to you.

I feel it is my duty to tell you, Madam Prime Minister how to use the current American political scene to gain advantage for Bangladesh.

The key is Sarah Palin.

No, No, please don't hang up!

Let me explain. Sarah Palin currently provides the bridge between American pop culture and politics. Like her or hate her, she's in the spotlight. Americans ultimately are suspicious of intellectuals. In most people's minds here, "intellectual" is just another word for "communist". Right now, on the Garden State Parkway, I see a bumper sticker that reads, "my kid beat up your honor student". This counters the honor student bumper stickers that are distributed by schools to high achievers. In this environment, it is important for an American president never to appear to be too intellectual…"

"…What was that? No, in Mr. Bush's case, I don't think it was an act.

The Republican Party is the anti-intellectual party, the party that values cleverness and industry over intelligence. The Democratic Party has traditionally been the party of that odd amalgam of blue-collar workers of intellectuals, who otherwise have nothing in common. How does this explain the Democratic VP Joe Biden? Well, clearly he must be a worker, because he's no intellectual, but you must understand. The point of a vice president in American politics is to deter would-be assassins by making the second choice so implausible, that even a maniac would recoil in horror at the thought of the president's replacement, which may be why John McCain chose Ms. Palin in the first place.

Perhaps, Madam Prime Minister, Sarah Palin is considered an intellectual lightweight even by Republican standards, but you mustn't underestimate her cleverness or her influence. You could have a stuffy conference with some high-level official, but if you've read WikiLeaks, you know they'll probably just comment unfavourably on the food you serve, or accuse you of something behind your back. Normal diplomacy is not the most effective route by which to gain anything of economic advantage for the people of Bangladesh. You must win the hearts of the American people directly, and in order to accomplish that, you must… are you sitting down?

Go hunting with Sarah Palin."

Click.

"Hello? Yes, I'm calling you back. We must have had a dropped connection. That's strange, because right now I'm driving past a cell phone tower disguised as a fake pine tree, so the dropped call must have been on your end. Yes, you heard me right. Palin has a TV show, a reality show called Sarah Palin's Alaska. You should appear on that show. It would go a long way toward building the image of modern Bangladesh…"

"Image? Sure I'll explain.

See, the only image the average American has of Bangladesh comes from the 40-year old poster of the Concert for Bangladesh. You remember, right? Yes, that poor child in front of the empty begging bowl. That's what the average American thinks of when you mention Bangladesh. They sing the George Harrison song, "Bangladesh -It sure looks like a mess".

That is an image that needs to be changed; people here have to be made aware that time has not stood still in Bangladesh. Your appearance on Palin's show could do that. Also, your hunting excursion would prove to the average American TV watcher — which basically means all Americans — that Muslims, Muslim women in particular do not live up to the image that the media here paints, that Islam oppresses women. You are living proof that Muslim women can be "Mama Grizzly Bears" just as easily, perhaps even more easily than Christian women.

The hunt? I mean, it doesn't have to be Moose hunt, it could be a fishing trip. She sometimes fishes on her show. Meanwhile, you could bond over issues arising from being a woman in politics, tell the story of your imprisonment and triumph, and in exchange, Ms. Palin could get some foreign policy "street cred". It would be quite an event, and may be a modern version of the kitchen debate between Nixon and Khruschev, but instead of powerful men in a kitchen, it would be powerful women in the great outdoors. Quite the ironic twist, don't you think?

Meanwhile, it would make President Obama sit up and take notice, and perhaps the Democrats would be forced to put Bangladesh on their itinerary. On the other hand, it may not be politically wise to appear in public with Obama right now.

The goal of your visit? Well, of course it is the positioning of Bangladesh in the eyes of the American consumer as a democratic, God-fearing alternative to China. You could suggest that if Americans of conscience ever wanted to boycott Chinese ready-to-wear goods because of egregious violations of human rights in China, products made in Bangladesh are available at any Wal-Mart…"

"…No, I wouldn't judge Palin by what I've seen in the media. She seems energetic, genuinely principled, and perhaps you could make her see the light on certain issues. If you could engage her in a debate while fishing, perhaps you could discuss issues like the New York City mosque. You might be able to articulate the need for tolerance especially by expressing dreams you have for your own grandchildren, that people of all faiths worldwide can practice their religious beliefs without recrimination or prejudice, and that Muslims are no more responsible for the actions of al-Qaeda than Christians are responsible for the behaviour of the Ku Klux Klan. You will? Excellent. I'm sure your people could talk to her people.

Well that's very kind of you to invite me along. I've always wanted to see Alaska, but of course you understand, if it involves getting into a car, I'll be doing the driving."

* * *
Dear readers, all of this is just a fantasy. But a year ago, the dream of having a manuscript sold, and a weekly column in a country which I come to admire more with every passing week, that was a fantasy as well. I have been uplifted by your comments, I have learned from you insights, and as I enter my 49th year, I hope to continue to share this journey with you, learn from you that I may teach my children how to live in a good way.

Reading about your history, wrapping my mind around the tragedies you have overcome has caused me sleepless nights and has brought tears to my eyes. But there is something in your determination, your fortitude and your persistent faith that makes me believe that Bangladesh has important lessons to teach the world, and that ultimately those qualities, so undeniably admirable by American standards, will bring the people of our two nations close together, in a way we could never become close to a nation like China, whose government seeks to quash that same spark of humanity.

Humanity, as expressed through multi-party democracy, may seem clumsy, corrupt and downright ugly at times, but when the smoke clears, it leaves everyone with the free will to aspire to the better angels of his/her nature. Independence means that we ultimately all have the responsibility to act according to the dictates of these better angels, and that if we discover that our leaders do not live up to those standards, it is our duty to assume a leadership role ourselves, no matter how ill-prepared we may feel. This is why I admire Ms. Palin, and many of her ilk, though I disagree with so much of their politics. It is easy to criticise. It is not so easy to act.

I wish you a belated happy Victory Day. Thank God we both live in nations where action is an option. Happy hunting.

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Frank Domenico Cipriani writes a weekly column in the Riverside Signal called "You Think What You Think And I'll Think What I Know." He is also the founder and CEO of The Gatherer Institute — a not-for-profit public charity dedicated to promoting respect for the environment and empowering individuals to become self-taught and self-sufficient. His most recent book, "Learning Little Hawk's Way of Storytelling", is scheduled to be released by Findhorn Press in May of 2011.