How to succeed in conspiracy… without really trying

Published : 23 Nov 2009, 07:36 PM
Updated : 23 Nov 2009, 07:36 PM

Place : Arrivals, Zia International Airport, Dhaka

Time : 11am, Jan 6 2010

Characters : A young Bengali passenger arriving from London, wearing a navy blue suit, deep blue shirt and a bright red tie. A middle aged immigration officer at his desk at the airport, wearing uniform and badge. A car driver.

Immigration Officer : Your passport is alright. Landing form, swine flu form and baggage declaration forms are also alright. But where is the conspiracy declaration form ? Have you not filled that ? Didn't they give you that form before landing?

Passenger : Yes, they did.

Officer : Then why didn't you fill that?

Passenger : I thought, Emirates Airlines were joking.

Officer (raising eyebrows): Joking?

Passenger : You see, I am a businessman. I have to travel whole year around the world. I have never heard about a conspiracy declaration form, let alone filling it . So, when it was handed to me, I thought it was a joke. I didn't take it seriously.

Officer : Conspiracy is a serious matter. Very serious matter, particularly in Bangladesh. Don't you know that, Sir?

Passenger : Conspiracy may be a serious matter. But, are all conspiracies serious? Take for example, I am trying to deceive my bank or my partner?

Officer : No. no. I am not talking about business. I am talking about anti-state conspiracy. Such conspiracies may be serious. You know about Agartala Conspiracy in 1969, political assassinations in 1975. attempted coup by a section of Bangldesh Air Force in this very airport, assassination in Chittagong Circuit House in 1981, coup by General Ershad in 1982. You also know about bomb attacks in Udichi's meeting in Jessore and in Ramna Park, Dhaka, plan to attack in Kotalipara, arms delivery in outer anchorage, Chittagong, grenade attack on Sheikh Hasina's public rally in Dhaka, four hundred bomb explosions simultaneously all over the country and BDR mutiny in Peelkhana, Dhaka, last year. All these are results of deep conspiracy – don't you know that, Sir?

Passenger : I know. But they are matters of past. Do you suspect any new ones ? Is that why you are asking all incoming passengers to fill in a conspiracy declaration form?

Officer : Government has taken precautionary measures in advance. We are following government orders. Today is the first anniversary of the digital government and the government has taken steps to celebrate this day as Moving Into Second Digital Year. Anti government forces may try to sabotage celebrations. That is why so much security has been enforced. Look around and see all the security forces. There is a state of alertness in whole country now.

Passenger : Yes, I can see. Ansar, police, RAB in their uniforms. They are carrying arms. It looks, their number is more than the passengers.

Officer : Government is in tension, we are in tension. We do not know what will happen where and how.

Passenger : You cannot stop conspirators in this way. Those who will conspire they will do it secretly. Will anyone conspire by giving prior notice to the government ?

Officer : That is why the government is giving a chance to declare. That is why conspiracy declaration form has been introduced. Hurry up. Fill it quickly.

Passenger (taking the form and quickly reading) : There are questions here, how many bombs, grenades, Molotov cocktail, revolver, etc I am carrying. Do you think anyone will answer yes to these questions and give you the numbers ?

Officer : You may never know. Those who are nervous, may answer yes and surrender here.

Passenger : And those who are very determined, what will they do ?

Officer : They may write no and try to get out. But, they will be caught at both green and red channels. All passengers are being body searched there. All their baggages are checked at both exit points.

Passenger : But, conspiracy is a mental phenomenon. Conspiracy is in minds. How would you search that ?

Officer (smiling): Government has set up machines to check that too. A latest CT scanning machine is brain scanning – each and every passenger has to go through this drill. This wonder machine is made in Israel and it has been imported from India. All conspiracies will be diagnosed by this machine.

Passenger : I don't think so. I am not that sure. You have to do something else to stop conspiracy.

Officer : What is that ?

Passenger : You should stop politics of suspicion and confrontation – you should introduce politics of cordiality and co-existence. You should end an administration that is typified by remand, torture and trials – you should begin an administration that is characterised by increased employment opportunity, lower prices of essential commodities and improved law and order situation in the country. When grief and grievances are allowed to accumulate, annoyance and anger are allowed to build up, conspiracies will continue. Try to understand this simple truth. BDR mutiny gave this lesson to all. I am returning the form – I shall not fill it up.

Officer (with a hard face) : You will have problems.

Passenger : May be. I don't care. You see, a president or a prime minister of any country always has a life risk. Politicians know, exercising power has an inherent danger. Still, they do politics, because they love power and know that they may have to pay ultimate price of losing their lives. But why ordinary people are forced to go through all this hassle ? I shall not fill it.

Officer : I am giving you a last chance. Fill it.

Passenger : When Irish playwright Oscar Wilde arrived in New York, a Customs Officer asked him , have you anything to declare ? Oscar Wilde replied, I have nothing to declare, excepting my genius. I am not a genious like Oscar Wilde, so, I shall not say that. But, I wish to declare something else.

Officer : What is that ?

Passenger (pulling out a shining black mobile phone) : I want to declare this. It is Apple's latest Iphone.

Officer (very inquisitively) : Very nice, a large screen too.

Passenger : You can phone, record, video, email and even go to internet from this mobile. Everything is possible. Would you like to watch a porno ?

Officer (looking around) : Yes, but, please be quick.

Passenger, But, of course. (pressing some numbers in his Iphone and whispering) Hello, you can go into action now. Ready, steady,

Immediately thereafter there was a big banging noise outside.

The airport building rocked.

Some glass sheet broke.

The officer fled from his post.

All Ansars, police, RAB officers started running. They dropped their arms and were desperately looking for a shelter. Some lied down on the floor.

All passengers and civil aviation staff were fleeing.

Everybody was looking for safety.

Security alarm started to ring.

The passenger put the Iphone back to his pocket and walked outside the arrival lounge.

More people were running in front of the terminal building.

Nobody knew what actually had happened.

Some were screaming.

Crows were sitting on an electric wire and cawing harshly.

A Pajero drove up to the passenger.

Driver (opening the car door from inside) : Good morning, Sir.

Passenger (getting inside the car and closing the door) : Everything seems to have worked out according to our plan. Excellent. A good job has been done.

Driver : Yes, everything has gone according to the plan. (Showing the remote control next to him) But, I had to buy a large size gas cylinder so that it would make bigger sound. It has cost us more.

Passenger : Never mind. I have come out with my Iphone. (Pulling out the Iphone from his pocket and lovingly caressing it) Here I have all the secret numbers!

22 November 2009